6 Truly Morbid, Surreal and Idiotic Diamond Thefts

In a previous article, we talked about some of the most insane diamond heists – the ones with guns blazing, international intrigue and millions of dollars of sparkling rocks gone in a haze of smoke and gunfire. In this article, we wanted to talk about some diamond thefts that take the extravagance down a few notches, but turn the volume way up on the weird factor.

It’s almost Halloween – so we thought it was a good time to tell you about these six totally morbid, surreal and idiotic diamond thefts.

1. Guy steals diamond from corpse

There is a very special place in hell for people who steal, but there is a VIP booth in the back for people that steal from corpses. It all happened in Sulphur Springs, Texas – somebody working at a funeral home noticed that a corpse, which was in a coffin ready for viewing, was wearing a diamond wedding ring. The guy decided it was the perfect ruse and purloined the ring – thinking, “This guy’s dead, he’ll never know.” However, the spouse knew and the guy was eventually caught with the ring, which was only worth about $600 bucks, but still you don’t steal rings from dead people.


2. The thief who felt so bad for his victim that he started texting him

It all happened in Newburyport, Massachusetts – a guy selling his 1.5-carat diamond ring on Craigslist was meeting with a prospective buyer in the parking lot of a mini-mall. While the prospective buyer was inspecting it, he just drove off. But the story doesn’t end there. A few hours later, the thief called the seller – now the victim of this weird diamond theft – saying that he felt really bad. The texts start to come more frequently and with admonishments about being safer when you sell a diamond on Craigslist. Eventually, the thief started asking his victim to pick him up somewhere because he was having terrible panic attacks about what he had done. However, the police picked him up instead – turns out that he had cancer and stole the diamond to pay for treatments.


3. The guy who stole a diamond while on trial for another crime

Some people just can’t quit. It all happened in Franklin, Tennessee – a guy was on trial for a two-year old robbery; he robbed a guy at a truck stop with a knife. During the lunch break for his trial, he walked into a store and stole a Rolex and a bunch of diamond bracelets. The weirdo then went back to court where he was apprehended again and the merchandise was found on his person. He was eventually found guilty for the initial robbery and the new theft – apparently he needed money for his kids. You know, there’s always mowing lawns.

4. The small guy in a desk scam

Some con artists seem to take their cues from a Rocky and Bullwinkle episode or a Looney Tunes rerun. It all happened in Spain – a guy pretending to be a Saudi Arabian sheik – but who was actually just a middle-aged nobody from Yugoslavia – met with a jewelry dealer at a business center to purchase some rare jewels, including a diamond tiara that belonged to Argentina’s former first-lady Eva Perón. You know: “Don’t cry for me Argentina.” Well, what would happen next would have anyone crying – mostly with laugher. When the “sheik” placed the money in a desk where the dealer could take the cash and count it – a small man (aka dwarf) hiding in the desk swapped the Euros for fake ones. When the jewelry dealer became suspicious, he was beaten up by the “sheik” and small man – then they ran off with the goods. Don’t worry, they were arrested later by Daffy Duck and Porky Pig dressed in police uniforms.

Eva Peron

5. The couple with thousands of diamonds in their, ahem, body parts

Some people honeymoon differently than others. It all happened at an Indian airport – Indian police noticed a Congolese man and woman walking very strangely. It’s almost the same walk that you have after eating particularly spicy Indian food, but leave it to the Indian police to know the difference and notice that something much more nefarious than explosive diarrhea was afoot.  After an inspection, they found thousands of carats of diamonds in the guy’s, ahem, backdoor. When they checked his female accomplice, she had stuffed an equally stunning amount of diamonds in her, ahem, front door. Apparently they were paid $1000 bucks to carry the diamonds.

 cavity search

6. The guy who traded a $160,000 dollar diamond for a $20 dollar bag of weed

Some people are really stupid, like so stupid that you wonder how they eat and do basic things that keep them alive every day. It all happened in Arizona – a half-wit UPS employee swiped the diamond from some cargo at an airport. Afterward, he traded the diamond – worth hundreds of thousands of dollars – for two joints worth of weed. Eventually the diamond was found and the thief was apprehended. It gives a whole new meaning to the term half-baked as far as diamond thefts go.

ups diamond theft

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